Two quick blonde jokes

[fastbowtie]

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, " I have some really great news!"

I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her,
"That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."

I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....

(You're going to love this!)
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!

[SSJunkie68-69]

A cabbie picks up a Blonde Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.

He replies. "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they got back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned.
I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says,
"That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."

[Lynn]

I apologize if I have told this one before. This isn’t a joke. It really happened. I have twin cousins about the same age as me, both girls, and yes they are blonde.

A few years ago I went to Mary’s (name changed to protect the guilty) and her husband’s very nice home for a holiday get together. I parked in the drive, and being it was such a nice neighborhood, I just left my keys on the floor. Later my daughter went out to the car to get something. Not realizing I had left the keys on the front floor, she locked the car from the back seat.

So... a few hours later, we realize what had happened. I ask for a screwdriver, a flashlight and a wire hanger. Begin the task of breaking into the car. It was a little chilly and of course, being in Oklahoma, windy. Mary is behind me while I (dressed in a short sleeve shirt, and shivering just a bit) am trying to catch the door lock knob just right. In all earnestness she says: “Lynn, wouldn’t you be a lot warmer if we pulled the car in the garage so you could do this inside?”

Blond moment.

[Mr70]

I think I know her.

[427TJ]

[ QUOTE ]
"Forgive me but I've sinned.
I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says,
"That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party."

[/ QUOTE ]