joke

[earntaz]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect ... your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations ... I've changed my will three times!'

[njsteve]

We have a tradition of making up limericks instead of buying birthday cards at the store. It has been a family tradition for years now and we have a great book of limericks.

My wife got the flu last week and it ruined all our festive plans with her being sick in bed on her birthday.

Here is the birthday limerick I wrote to cheer her up (and to beg forgiveness for tracking garage grease across the tan carpet).

She loved it!

(Especially when one of her birthday gifts was a fresh can of carpet cleaner)

Oh, and by the way I neglected to mention that the dog peed on the bed comforter, so I drew the artist's rendering at the bottom. Maybe she won't notice?

[earntaz]

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'

[earntaz]

You could have blamed it all on the dog!! LOL

[njsteve]

Too late - she found the boot with the tar stain still on it...and I was wearing it at the time...and I was standing at the end of the trail of stains on the carpet...and the dog was outside in the backyard with an alibi.

[Lynn]

Sunday school teacher tells the 2nd graders to draw a picture of a favorite bible story. One boy draws an airplane with two cock pits. One guy in the front and three in the back. Teacher keeps walking by, looking, trying to figure out which story this is. Finally asks the boy to explain.

Well, this is the flight from Egypt. Teacher asks about the 3 characters in the back cock pit. That's Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus. Hmmm, and who is this in the front cock pit? That's Pontius, the Pilate.

[earntaz]

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

[anodyne33]

More sad than funny, or more funny than sad?

[earntaz]

Now that IS believable -- if you don't, that just visit some ... not all, of your local tire stores, oil change, or yahwho repair shops. At 70 years young, I sure am glad I have the ability to do the minor MX stuff and not have to depend on these places. TAZ

[earntaz]

Hot rods, guns and new wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks-up, "Honey, I've just been thinking … now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars along with your gun collection.”

Tom gets a very concerned look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife," he said, calmly.

"Ex wife?" She screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom smoothly replied, "I wasn't."