joke

[earntaz]

This event, in the everyday life of a senior citizen, should alert you guys to the importance of following directions...


Understanding Directions

Some times Seniors don't Understand Directions.
I assume we are all Seniors. This is why you (a Senior?) should listen to your Doctors instructions.

I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me? Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along. He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"

I said, "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anymore, anyway!

[Lee Stewart]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hand at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? 'Feels great,' he replied; 'but I still think my thumb's broken!'

[Lee Stewart]

[Lee Stewart]

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say

again,'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,



'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

[m22mike]

Easter humor

[Lynn]

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bimbos sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'

[Lynn]

Woman sitting on a bus with her baby in her arms when a drunk sits down next to her and says: "Lady, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

After seeing how upset the woman gets, he stumbles to another seat.

A few minutes later, another guy sits next to the lady and baby and noticing the lady seems upset, he asks why ?

The lady says " That drunk just insulted me and I fell like slapping him."

The guy says, "Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you"

[Lee Stewart]

[Lee Stewart]

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.



One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"



Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."



God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "



Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."



God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."



"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"

[earntaz]

Haaa -- good one!