joke

[rafbody]

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

[earntaz]

Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...! The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[marxjunk]

i stole this from another site..i couldnt resist

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,
" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there eating grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated,
"You may come with us, also."

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."

Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing
as a heart-warming lawyer story?

[Vern B]

Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. Her pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut crystal bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this."

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it moist, and it would prevent disease. And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter!"

[earntaz]

Depends on Where You Live

You may have heard about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning that many guns and 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable".

In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Minnesota & Wisconsin, he'd be called "ALMOST ready for deer season".

In Arizona, he'd be called "An avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "A novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "Moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'go-to' guy."

In Alabama, he'd be called "A likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "An eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky and South

Carolina he would be called "A deer hunting buddy."

In Oklahoma he'd be called "normal."

And in Texas he'd just be "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo"...

[Mr70]

..

[m22mike]

"Extra large snack sack"

[bbbentley]

Originally Posted by m22mike

"Extra large snack sack"

Couldn't help thinking about a few commercials by this clothier that get a chuckle in our household
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4u3CoWjWzNA

[Lee Stewart]

[earntaz]

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'