Joke

[toner]

Dear Abby,


My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The
other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be
able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood
it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a
big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next
time he'll buy me a diamond.


Sincerely,
Bitchy in Wisconsin

toner

[SamLBInj]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet"

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says, "There's
nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice
but, are... my...test... results... back?
Sam

[427TJ]

[427TJ]

Okay, I'm in.

A well to do older man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup. He tells the doc that he's divorced his wife of 30 years and has taken up with a hot young 25 year old blonde. (Sorry Rita.) The blonde has a sex drive that's been wearing him out and he asks the doc for a Viagra prescription. Concerned, the doctor replies, "You know, in this situation vigorous sex could be life-threatening." The older man replies, "Hey doc, if she dies, she dies."

(If I do say so myself!)

[SamLBInj]

Sam

[MrsBillyBobcat]

Here's a "cute one"


"TICKLE ME ELMO"

A new employee is hired at the "Tickle Me Elmo" factory.

The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee.

She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."