Tired of Politically Correct?

[Rixls6]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be
referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPE TITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR
CLEAVAGE

[crash]

Men's #4 should be Follicly challenged... Crash

[budnate]

someone sent this today,

Surprised CBS let him get away with this even though he's right

AMEN ANDY ROONEY !



Right on, Andy Rooney!

Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except
numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are
things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment
Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the
UnitedCaucasianCollege Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television,
or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking
down your door.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can
kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you
from driving to the ball game.

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are
no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA
BURKE?

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is
an opinion.

I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different,
weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of
the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of
Probability.

I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a
newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact,
if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!

My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries
you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.

I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you
threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word
"freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are
qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or
tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or
any other business.
< B>
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in
wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over
here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their
interpretations.

I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't
stop you from watching them.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue
to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system
that's better, and put your name on the building.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a
parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when
necessary, and say "NO!"

I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not
a single one of them was born in Africa ; so how can they be
"African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around
saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great,
great, great grandfather was from Europe I am proud to be from America and
nowhere else

And if you don't like my point of view, tough...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO
THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH
LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that
86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time
understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God We Trust" on our
money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell
the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!

[Seattle Sam]

Origin of Modern Political Parties

Division of the human family into two distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of Beer and the invention of the Wheel. The Wheel was invented to get Man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the Brewery. That's how Villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking Beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into Women. The rest became known as 'girly-men.'

Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy, Group Hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern Liberals like imported Beer (with lime added), but most prefer White Wine or imported Bottled Water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, Tofu, and French Food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their Women have higher testosterone levels than their Men. Most Social Workers, Personal Injury Attorneys, Journalists, Dreamers in Hollywood and Group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the Designated Hitter Rule, because it wasn't "fair" to make the Pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic Beer and eat red Meat & Potatoes. Conservatives are big-game Hunters, Rodeo Cowboys, Lumberjacks, construction workers, Medical Doctors, Police Officers, Corporate Executives, Marines, Athletes and generally anyone who can and will do Work productively outside government. Conservatives who own Companies hire other Conservatives who want to Work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the Producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE than their fair share of your Beer.

Here ends today's lesson in World History.

[GRB]

I believe that alleged tirade by Andy Rooney turned out to be an Internet myth. Doesn't sound like that far left kook in the first place.