Some Airplane/Airline Humor

[Xplantdad]

A friend sent these to me...

<u>Flying humor</u>

Aviation Note: For those who don't know, "The Sled" is the SR-71

Blackbird spy plane from the 1960's and still the fastest airplane. In

his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:

"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day

as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern

California 13 miles high.

We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as

we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us,

they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask

for a readout of its ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments

later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost

instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty

52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the

response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I

was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a

familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It

was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real

crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got

a ground speed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal

pause....

"Aspen, I

show 1,742 knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph for those who don't know)

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a

request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous

controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to

get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go

up to it; we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

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The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He

placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the

navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot

responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart

table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator

replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

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When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army Blackhawk

helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call

sign"broomstick one".

And

they say the Army has no sense of humor!

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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta

351:"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold

short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out,

turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted

comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute

little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" Our hero the Cherokee

pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "I made it

out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough

parts for another one."

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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority

landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit

peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number

two behind a

B-52

that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded

seven-engine approach."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While

attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your

last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and

returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A

concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the

problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"

explained the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new

pilot."

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"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up

here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?