Joke

[toner]

Dear Abby,


My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The
other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be
able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood
it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a
big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next
time he'll buy me a diamond.


Sincerely,
Bitchy in Wisconsin

toner

[SamLBInj]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet"

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says, "There's
nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice
but, are... my...test... results... back?
Sam

[427TJ]

[427TJ]

Okay, I'm in.

A well to do older man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup. He tells the doc that he's divorced his wife of 30 years and has taken up with a hot young 25 year old blonde. (Sorry Rita.) The blonde has a sex drive that's been wearing him out and he asks the doc for a Viagra prescription. Concerned, the doctor replies, "You know, in this situation vigorous sex could be life-threatening." The older man replies, "Hey doc, if she dies, she dies."

(If I do say so myself!)

[SamLBInj]

Sam

[MrsBillyBobcat]

Here's a "cute one"


"TICKLE ME ELMO"

A new employee is hired at the "Tickle Me Elmo" factory.

The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee.

She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

[SamLBInj]

Thats Funny..
Sam

[BBIGG BLOCK 396]

A third grade teacher asked her students to make a sentance with the word "fascinate".A little girl stated she had one,she said that her parents took her to the zoo and seeing all the animals was fascinating.
The teacher said that is very nice but you used the word fascinating,not fascinate.
Another little girl said OK I have one.She said that when on vacation they visited the statue of Liberty and she was fascinated by it's size.Again the teacher said that is very nice but you used the word "fascinated" not "fascinate"

Then little Johnny raised his hand and said he could use the word "fascinate" in a sentenance.The teacher was reluctatnt to pick him because he used vulgar language all the time but thought for a minute and said to herself there was no way that he could think of something vulgar with the word "fascinate" so she told Johnny to go ahead.Little Johnny said that his sister had a sweater that had ten buttons on it but her BOOBS were so FRIGGING big that she could only fascinate of them!
Did not want to use the exact language I heard so not to offend anyone.

Bobby

[SamLBInj]

Three Labrador Retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black were
sitting in the waiting room at the vet's surgery when they struck up
a conversation.

The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"

The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything --the
sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last
night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"

"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the brown lab. "They
reckon it'll calm me down."

"The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you
here?"

The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I
dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a
great big hole in my owner's couch.

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too." The dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you
here?"

I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, post boxes, whatever. I want to hump
everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the
shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't
help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."

The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts
off for you too, huh?"

The black lab said, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
Sam

[Nova67ss]

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/mmtimmy/b.html

Try to listen to how an italiano can bee missunderstood..