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Blonde Joke
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This is a "blonde joke" that someone sent to me in an e-mail...
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten". We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/dunno.gif She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She replied that she did not know what it was, but this piece had always been there. He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote "710". He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there!" (open attachment above) https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif |
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Thanks...... That's a nice way to start my day! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/grin.gif
Peter |
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For the intelligent women.
Woman reading.... A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?") "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day maam", and he left............. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. toner P.S. Thanks Seattle Sam for taking the time to resize and send me my new avatar. https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...ns/worship.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif |
Re: Blonde Joke
[ QUOTE ]
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think. [/ QUOTE ] Now that is a GOOD one!!! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...iggthumpup.gif Rita https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/wink.gif |
Re: Blonde Joke
What avatar? all I can see is a square where it should be. You may need to post it to your own web site. when i tried to view it I was directed to a dragracing website.
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Bummer, the site that was hosting my pics must have a problem, ok back to the <font color="red">X </font> being my avatar. https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/blush.gif
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OK...I'll throw one out there even though my girlfriend is a Wisconsin blonde https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/blush.gif....here we go:
Blonde in Wisconsin As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck,and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the damn SALT TRUCK!" |
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Did you know that when a blonde woman is blow-drying her hair, if she passes the blow-dryer over her ear it makes a "HOOOOOOO" sound?
Get it? If you put your ear up to a blonde's ear you can hear the ocean. Funny huh? |
Re: Blonde Joke
https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif
What do blonds and crashed planes have in common? Black box tells the truth! How do you know a blond was working on your computer? There is White-out all over the screen! What do you call a Blond with an IQ of 70? A genious.. What do you call a Blond with IQ of 90? Liar... Sam |
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Hear about the new Blonde designed Parachute?
Opens on Impact! Sam |
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"The black box tells the truth."
https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif Man, I almost puked I laughed so hard!!! |
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What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
"Artificial Intelligence" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif |
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A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Sam |
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure its mine https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/blush.gif Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1 and deer nuts are always under a buck How do you get a sweet little 80-year old lady to say the "F" word? Get another sweet little 8o-year old lady to yell bingo https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif |
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I think we need to start a joke forum. https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif
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I was thinking the same thing, LOL! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif
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[ QUOTE ]
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are you sure its mine https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/blush.gif Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1 and deer nuts are always under a buck How do you get a sweet little 80-year old lady to say the "F" word? Get another sweet little 8o-year old lady to yell bingo https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif [/ QUOTE ] Thats funny, https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif dont they call the name of that game "Oh Schidt?" Sam |
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[ QUOTE ]
I was thinking the same thing, LOL! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/beers.gif [/ QUOTE ] Me too, here another one... These two Ford owners wanted to change the old saying of "You can take a horse to water but you cant make him drink", So they stole ther neighbors horse and took him down to the pond to make him drink..When they got there old Billy Bob said to John Boy, "Ok John Boy, you suck on his Butt and Ill hold his head under water and well make him drink." So after 15 minutes of sucking on this horses butt old John Boy yells down to Billy Bob , "Hey Billy Bob, lift his head a little all im gettin is mud"! https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...ns/naughty.gif Sam |
Re: Blonde Joke
Here's another "blonde joke" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...ns/naughty.gif
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named "Rolex" and one was named "Timex". Her friend asked, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...lins/dunno.gif "HelllOOOooo" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...s/rolleyes.gif, answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!" https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/imag...mlins/haha.gif |
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And here's one for you guys in Iowa.....
IOWA BLONDE A young blonde woman in East Dubuque, Illinois was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Mississippi River. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the dock, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for." I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. >From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Diamond Joe Casino, and we never leave Dubuque, Iowa." |
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Guy walks into the bar and orders a shot of whisky.
Man I have had the worst day, he tells the bartender. I just found out my brother is gay. Next day walks into the same bar and orders 2 shots. Bartender says I guess today is worse than yesterday? Yes it is I just found out my father is gay too. Third day he walks into the same bar and orders a shot and tells the bartender to leave the bottle. Bartender says whats the deal doesn't anyone in your family like women. Yes says the guy......MY WIFE!!!!!!!! |
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THE DONKEY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into the well.The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway,it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.AT first the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then to everyone's amazement he quieted down.A few shovel loads later the farmer looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw.As every shovel of dirt hit his back the donkey would shake it off and take a step up.As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal he would shake it off and take a step up.Pretty soon everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off. The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you,all kinds of dirt.The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping,never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1.Free your heart from hatred. 2.Free your mind from worries. 3.Live simple. 4.Give more. 5.Expect less. O.K.,that's enough of that crap....The donkey later came back,caught the farmer out in the field and kicked the [censored] out of him.Then he went over to each of his neighbours farms and kicked the [censored] out of them too for helping. The REAL Moral: When you try to cover your ass,it ALWAYS comes back to get you. |
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