Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

Charley--- your one of a kind, keep them coming!!!

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

OMG!!

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

HA!!! [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

https://www.yenko.net/ubbthreads/pics...jpeg952_02.jpg
Same as inbread dog pic add (p) word

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

The pooch looks like &quot;oh well&quot; and the pussy looks pissed ... check the eyes!! TAZ [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.




The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, &quot;You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.&quot;




The cowboy replies, &quot;Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.&quot;




The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.




The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.




One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, &quot;I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.&quot;




The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.




&quot;Oh, no, everybody's just fine,&quot; he explains, &quot;It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.&quot;




&quot;Hasn't affected my brothers though.&quot;

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

Re: joke..the lucky frog
 

lol..thats a good one

Re: joke
 

Donald and Hillary Go Fishing in the Winter ...

How do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call?

With an fishing contest in northern Wisconsin in January, of course!

After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were deadlocked.

Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President.

They decided that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 pm.

After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.

Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing. That night, Hillary and her cronies got together and accused Trump of being a “low-life, cheating’ son-of-a-bitch.” Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were going to follow and to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.

Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total!

That night, Hillary and her democratic cohorts got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating. Hillary stood up to give her report and said, “You are not going to believe this. He Is cheating, he's cutting holes in the friggin’ ice!”

And this story ... tells you all you need to know about the difference between a successful businessman and a career government politician.

Re: joke
 

Christmas Stamps ...
A blonde goes to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, &quot;May I have 50 Christmas stamps?&quot;
The clerk says, &quot;What denomination?&quot;
The woman says, &quot;God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterians, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.&quot;

Re: joke
 

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, only William was left.

&quot;William, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am.

My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen.

She was a pilot in Desert Storm, And her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with Her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?'

'Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'

.........

HeHeHe -- good one!!

Oh how true that is -- communication is a terrible thing!!!

LITTLE BILLY...On Philosophy

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first shot." The
teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucking the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

Good one Vern!!! :haha:

Golfer Speaks out:

We had a power outage at our house this morning. My PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad and my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my Iphone battery was dead.

And to top it off it was raining outside. So I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee. Then I remembered that this also needs power.

So I sat and talked with my wife for a couple of hours.

She seems like a nice person.

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...! The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

heart warming lawyer story
 

i stole this from another site..i couldnt resist

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,
" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.
They are over there eating grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated,
"You may come with us, also."

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."

Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing
as a heart-warming lawyer story?

Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. Her pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut crystal bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this."

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it moist, and it would prevent disease. And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter!"

Depends on Where You Live

You may have heard about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning that many guns and 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable".

In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Minnesota & Wisconsin, he'd be called "ALMOST ready for deer season".

In Arizona, he'd be called "An avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "A novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "Moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'go-to' guy."

In Alabama, he'd be called "A likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "An eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky and South

Carolina he would be called "A deer hunting buddy."

In Oklahoma he'd be called "normal."

And in Texas he'd just be "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo"...

..

"Extra large snack sack" :hmmm:

Couldn't help thinking about a few commercials by this clothier that get a chuckle in our household
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4u3CoWjWzNA

http://s26.postimg.org/47ns2pmqx/jhg.jpg

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

Ya' have to admire the Irish ...:worship:

Ouch!!@#$

Guy buys a nice new car for his wife's birthday.

Filling it up at the gas station on the way home.

Fellow at the next pump says: "nice car"

First guy says: "Thanks. I got if for my wife."

Second guy: "Nice trade!"

.....

Mushroom walks into a bar, bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

Mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

Charley-Are you holding out on us?

Picture taken up in Wickenburg on our trip to SoCal.....:CharleySucks:

He didn't want anybody to know, but that's really his Southern garage! :grin: