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I have a racing buddy who lost part of his ring finger in a shop accident.

Naturally, he wasn't planning on going to the hospital that day, so he had on some old underwear that had a bunch of holes in it (/them?).

When he got to the emergency room he had to get a tetanus shot first thing. The nurse asked him to pull his jeans down, and then commented "...well, at least I don't have to ask you to pull your underwear down..."

K

.........

Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . finally . . . totally exhausted . she let out a piercing scream . . . . "OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"

My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine's Day she’s getting a magazine rack!

True story:

So, after my surgery, I had to wear a catheter for 30 days. Fun.

We still had the grandsons every other Thurs afternnon, overnight and all day on Friday.

They will be five on Sat. Pics attached from last spring.
The first time they were over and saw the foley bag, they were very inquisitive. I told them it was full of pee and blood from my surgery.

Two weeks later, Brian asks: "Now what is in that bag?" I told him it was my pee, and a little bit of blood from my surgery. Showed him my six incisions, and explained that I was still healing. I explained that I did not go pee like they did. I just went to the toilet, held the bag over it and opened the valve. Explained that the tube went up inside me into where my pee comes from.

Brian had a funny look on his face, and then asked: "Do you still have a penis?"

Charley is correct: children always speak their minds.

FIRST TIME SEX

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was THE pharmacist.

.....