😂

Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den.


He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens. ’


Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats,


'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks,
'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'For God’s sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

----Boy, does that hit close to home.....Bill S

I just got new hearing aids a few months ago, at my family's urging (and after seeing the test data for myself).

So far, from what I can tell, the only things I couldn't hear are:

a). A lot of high frequency hashy fan noise
b). The dishwasher beeping at the end of its cycle.
c). My wife's speaking voice

K

What's that you said ???

High frequency hearing loss since infancy from pneumonia. Didn't have a clue until I was inducted into the Army in 1971. Failed for hearing loss, medical exemption.

Keith, I have hearing aids too, but wear them very limited times because of hearing too much background noise. I still don't hear high frequencies, because the ability isn't there, not just diminished...:frown:
The tinnitus seems to get worse with age and the ringing can drive me nuts at times now.

----I have had hearing aids for the last 5 or 6 years. Couldn't do without them when you have a wife with no patience. Probably racing related, but who knows with all the cherry bombs and other stupid stuff kids do. What mine really help is with the treble, as I can at least hear most of the base stuff without them......Bill S

You guys are really bringing me down. This is supposed to be the joke thread.

I came here for a laugh. Now I am worried that I may be next. So far, I am blessed. My mom has had chronic hearing issues for 50 years, as did her mother. Two of my three brothers have severe hearing loss. Guessing it is probably inevitable.

Any Arkansas guys on here? My in laws live in Arkansas. Finest folks you ever met in your life. They roll with the punches when I tell Arkansas jokes. So, back to our regularly scheduled program.

What lives in Arkansas and has 28 teeth?


A family of four.


What is the first question on the Arkansas bar exam?



When two people get divorced, are they still cousins?


I enjoyed it when Ram Air Dave was on the site. He lives in North Little Rock. Every time I told an Arkansas joke, he would tell an Okie joke.

I'm sorry, Lynn. I didn't mean to bring you down.

It's just I did think it was funny that, in all the situations I find myself in, and of all the sounds on the earth, and all the humans on the earth, the only sound of any consequence I can't hear is my wife.

Given this newfound piece of data, one might conclude that one could SIMPLY ASK THAT ONE PERSON TO SPEAK LOUDER, or, in addition, NOT TRY TO CONVEY CRITICAL FAMILY OR SOCIAL INFORMATION WHILE STANDING IN THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM CLOSET while I am on the main floor in the kitchen CLEANING UP MY OWN DAMN MESS, as I was gently reminded.

Alas, as any older married man might guess, it is not a viable strategy.

K

WOW, isn't that the truth. My wife has known for 29 years that I have difficulty hearing her meek, quiet voice and she STILL will ask me something from the other end of the house ...:crazy: And then complain that all I ever say to her is WHAT ??!!

Such is life and I am thankful she's a very patient person who puts up with my idiosyncrasies. Life goes on.:biggthumpup:

No apologies necessary. My "bringing me down" quip was more tongue in cheek then serious. That's just one of the problems with expressing oneself with a keyboard in a limited time.

....

😎

Not legal to drive on a public road with that either. I know a guy that lost his license permanently for too many DUI's, so did the same thing. Drove his lawn tractor the 6 blocks to the bar. Cops were waiting when he left and arrested him for DUI AND no license. He was driving on the shoulder, still part of the roadway.

'

Same here, an old friend who's gone now drove his lawn tractor to the convenience store and was charged with care and control of a motor vehicle while intoxicated also driving w/ a suspended ticket.:no:
:beers:
~ Pete

.

Had a farmer friend in Wisconsin drove his tractor to his local watering hole in the evening ... LEOs were not amused. :thumbsdown::thumbsdown:

Yep, anything with a motor-engine, and I hear they are discussing putting electric bikes on the list too.

Take the sidewalk to the courthouse.

[QUOTE=Lee Stewart;1548921]https://i.postimg.cc/BnGxFnXF/2.jpg[/QUOTE


The last time I parked a semi on my box it crushed it lmao.
I made my tool box.

😎

🤩

Kind of funny how this was worded 57 years ago :naughty:

😀

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.

Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about
to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead
in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex
before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old man!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the
bottom then."
She didn't jump..........

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell
that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

😀

A GM mechanic was removing a cylinder head from an LS6 motor when he spotted a well-known cardiac surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"


The cardiac surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?


The cardiac surgeon paused, leaned in, and said "try doing it with the engine running" :smirk:

A penguin was eating a ice cream cone while driving to work, all of a sudden steam came out from under the hood, he had it towed to a local dealership for repair, the service manager said, it looks like you blew a seal, the penguin replied, no it’s ice cream.