Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'






'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'






'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'






'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'






She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Finney. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.






He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket
broke and made the landing especially painful.






Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.






He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed..






In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room






She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'






Paddy said, 'Why would you say such a mean thing?






'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly, it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Yep,I'll bet he's immune to it.

I got stopped around 2 a.m. last night by a TX State Trooper. He asked "where are you going at this time of night." “I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.” The trooper then asks, “really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?” I replied, “That would be my wife, Sir."
HE LET ME Go!

THE PERFECT MAN

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab,
things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.
He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me.
I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them.
But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer
her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man!
He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."

My Covid test is in. I’m good.

Thanks goodness. Now you can party like there is no tomorrow.

:burnout:

..

Some F*ckwitt at the post office just told me that Coronavirus is all fake and people are sick because of the 5G mobile phone network. ???

Some one just told me this. Lol. He may be rite.

That is very funny.

They're out there.

Duct tape is the solution to half our problems.

For the other half there's WD-40.

K

Joke
 

And if that doesn't fix it, you must have an electrical problem.