Len walks into an auto parts store and says to the man at the counter, “I’d like new air freshener for my Yugo.”

The man thinks for a while and finally says, “OK, deal...that's a pretty decent trade.”

Marco is on his couch watching Monday Night Football when his wife, Jocelyn, comes into the living room.

"Babe," she asks, sweetly, "can you please take out the trash?"

"Seriously?" says Marco to his wife. "Do I look like a garbage man to you?"

Jocelyn sighs and leaves her husband to his TV.

By the third quarter, the game is really tight. That's when Jocelyn comes in again and says, "Babe, the outside light isn't coming on. Can you try changing the bulb?"

Annoyed, Marco responds, "Really now...do I look some household electrician?"

With that, his wife leaves him to watch the game.

The next day, Marco comes home from work and Jocelyn tells him, "Oh, I saw Trey from across the street and asked him to fix the light outside. It's working now."

"Trey?" says Marco, suspiciously. "He doesn't do anything unless he gets something in return. What did he ask for?"

Jocelyn says, "He said I could either sleep with him or make his favourite cocktail."

"OK. So what drink did you make him?"

"Honey," says his wife, "do I look like a bartender to you?"

Phil and Earl had been best friends for decades and they both live to their late 90s. One day, Phil falls deathly ill. Earl visits him on his deathbed, and they reminisce about their long friendship and their lifelong passion for baseball.

As they’re thinking back to games they’ve attended, Earl says, "You know Phil, when you die, can you do me a favor? I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

Phil smiles weakly and responds, "Of course, Earl. I'll let you after I get there."

A short time later, Phil is gone.

Earl is out walking in a park a couple days later when he hears Phil’s voice coming from the sky. The voice says, "It’s me, Phil. I made it and I've got some good news and some bad news for you, Earl. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."

"That’s wonderful!" beams Earl. "What's the bad news?"

"You're pitching on Thursday."

.

Joke
 

St Peter