----Oh, John. That's the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. How nsmart is that guy!....Bill S

rue story, circa 1979 or 80. I am working in an independent shop after leaving the Buick dealer. Worked with a guy in his 70s named Roy. Everyone called him Grandpa. Crotchety old guy who ALWAYS spoke his mind.

Young customer brings in his Blazer for an oil change. The oil change tech drains the oil and lowers the car to the ground. The customer puts a quart of some kind of Teflon impregnated lubricant (maybe TefGuard??) on the fender.

Roy is walking by and sees the TefGuard; walks over and picks it up. Looks straight at the kid and says: “what the hell is this?” Kid starts telling him all about this miracle lube that is going to make his engine run better, get better mileage, and last longer. Roy says: “who told you to put this in that motor?” Kid is a little stunned, and says: “well, my dad said to use this.” Says Roy: “Well he doesn’t know chit!!! If you are going to put this in there you may as well just back up and pi$$ in it.” Turns and walks away.

Roy was always good for a laugh.

What did Ted Kennedy say to Gary Hart during the 1984 primary campaign?

You get the girls; I'll drive.

... :)

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!" :)

.

I hope I NEVER get that old...:laugh:

Gilberto is driving on a lonely backwoods road one night when his Lexus suddenly quits on him. Not being mechanically inclined, Gilberto sits in his car nervously, trying to figure out what he's going to do.

As he sits motionless, he catches something emerging from the bushes at the side of the road. Suddenly, someone knocks on his window, and when Gilberto turns, he sees an enormous Great Dane standing on his hind legs.

"Pop the hood," says the dog.

Thunderstruck, Gilberto just stares with mouth gaping at the enormous animal.

"Pop the hood," repeats the Great Dane.

Thinking of no alternative, Gilberto does as he's told.

The dog starts to work on the engine, and then says, "Start the car."

Gilberto tries the ignition, but nothing happens.

The Great Dane ducks back under the hood and tinkers some more. A minute later, the dog asks the man to try starting his car again. This time, the engine turns over.

Seemingly satisfied, the Great Dane firmly closes the hood and trots back into the roadside bushes.

Baffled, Gilberto drives until he finds a gas station sometime later. Seeing an attendant, he says, "Holy geez, you're not going to believe this, but I have to tell someone. My car died and this giant Great Dane came out of nowhere and fixed it."

The attendant goes pale as if he had seen a ghost. "Man," he says, "you have no idea how lucky you are."

"Why?" asks Gilberto.

"That dog isn't a mechanic," explains the attendant carefully. "He only patches tires."